Hoboken Community Dinner
36 months ago, my neighbor Adrian was shot and killed. A sad day. Sad because an 18 year old died. Sad because I didn't know my neighbor Adrian--nor did anyone else I know, know him.
My neighbor is a 500+ unit public housing complex in a town (#Hoboken, NJ) that is known for bars, a scenic view of Manhattan NYC, and multi-million dollar brownstones. For me, my move to Hoboken in October 2013 was a new adventure filled with building companies and falling in love with urban living. But until January 2017, my perspective on urban living was stunted--stunted by not fully understanding my entire neighborhood.
A COMMUNITY DINNER BEGINS. After Adrian died, a few of my friends took notice of the bubble most of us live in. So we kicked into gear . . . I started an incubator in the public housing complex and got more involved in nonprofits serving public housing. A friend Julia, and her dinner group at Hoboken Grace Community Church, started what is now known as the #Hoboken Community Dinner. The goal of dinner was to develop authentic relationships with ALL neighbors. But come on--what is going to be more powerful--using entrepreneurship to create economic mobility or eating food together? . . .
OPPORTUNITIES ABOUND IF YOU'RE CONNECTED TO COMMUNITY. Look, the simple answer is BOTH. But the more complex answer is first humbly seeking to understand, then sharing time together to learn, and then constructing plans to move. You see, my incubator was flawed at the outset. I was already ready to build the spaceship that moves people to the "next step". But I had no idea who my neighbor was and what they wanted or needed. The cool part is that by at least engaging after Adrian's death, I learned a lot about community, specifically #Hoboken, in the last three years. And it has helped me to understand when to move and how to help.
By being truly native to my neighborhood and connected to its people, the needs naturally have bubbled to the surface. You see, neighbors that attend city and agency meetings are the same people that need help forming and funding nonprofits. Neighbors that attend community dinners are the same people that are fundraising for local causes. Employees of public housing have family that are starting clothing and entertainment businesses out of their homes. It's all around us. But we need to stop creating and just start listening.
AN OVERVIEW ON THE DINNERS. Last week, we celebrated 34 months in a row sharing a meal with our neighborhood. A normal dinner is 100+ people from all over the city--including moms, students, churches, houses of worship, public housing residents, City of Hoboken councilpersons & administrators, Hoboken Police Department, homeless, Hoboken Board of Education, and more.
Our dinner became a story that others wanted to tell, as well--from News 12 NJ to NJ.com to CBS This Morning. These journalists reminded us that only 16% of residents feel very attached their community (Pew Research Center). And yet, way too many of us have way too many opinions about "how things should be" (see Twitter :-)) without actually connecting and learning first.
PEOPLE FROM THE DINNERS. The most important people I've met through the dinner are Arlette, Chrissy, Sandra, Bruni, Lynda, and Fanny. Rarely do they miss a dinner but more importantly, they want the dinners for the right reasons. They want a stronger community and believe that a meal is a very powerful tool for that. Sandra and Arlette run an organization named the Westside Women--basically the matriarchs that get shit done in our neighborhood. We have served along side each other at the dinners for 34 months, and I have a deep appreciation for their commitment to people. And because we've built three years of trust and learning, there are so many things we will now "move on" to help our community.
My other dear friends have been the most reliable and caring torch-bearers: John, James, Hannah, Lee Ann, Ken, Claudia, Irene, Sonja, and so many more. There is this one guy John who is literally the energy and love that sparks the dinner's charm. If you're going to start a dinner, make sure to find someone like John to lead the charge.
THE PURPOSE OF THE DINNERS. In the end folks, what's it all about? It's about using your gifts to help others. I implore you to figure out your purpose--and leverage it all to help your neighbor.
Start a dinner. Learn about your neighbors. Collaborate on what you're passionate about. And see the beauty that unfolds. The best way to start a relationship with new and diverse people is doing something common—and eating food is certainly common. Maybe you’ll find the next innovator in an unknown place or maybe you’ll meet a 68 year old that invites you to her weekly womens' bingo night. Either way, it’s worth it. :-)
Before you create, please listen.
